Goodbye, Day Dream Believer

The House passed a bill prohibiting the sale and transport of primates for pets. As if no other monkey has ever attacked a human, the House was genuinely moved by the attacks of Travis, the chimpanzee. Travis decided his mama was not working out for him, and as a result, he destroyed her face. Charla Nash, mother of Travis, was sent to the Cleveland Clinic, where doctors are considering a face transplant for Charla.

If I could have a face transplant, I'd take Angelina Jolie's face.

Travis was shot dead by the five-o after his tiff with his mom.

Life Is A Puzzle- Or Rather A Maze

Britain: Home of meat pies and crooked teeth and in-home trash mazes. Gordon Stewart, 74, had become quite the pack rat after stowing away any articles of material he came into contact with. Towers of shit turned into racks and aisles of junk to the point wherer his house became a maze. Stewart, who was old and probably insane, is thought to have become disoriented while crawling about his maze. While he was burrowing his way through the trash, Old Man got weak in the knees and collapsed. And after extended time in the hug of trash heeps he died of dehydration.

One would think that in a trash heap there would be at least one bottle of tussin to keep him alive and feeling well.

Fit for a Dog

Christmas is rapidly approaching. I know this because the smell of evergreen, peppermint and elderly relatives is already edging up my nostrils. Besides the delightful smells, Christmastime offers important traditions and activities that most Americans partake in, i.e. shopping. For some, shopping is a way of life. There is no circumstance i can think of where i am not lusting after some material object. I view life as a giant fashion show, and apparently Michael Young does too- except he sees canine fashion. While designing a dog house for Magis, an Italian plastic products manufacturer, Young created a $910 dog loft. If that sounds a little crazy, it's because is it. A dog house worth $910, I imagine, would be made from gold, or diamonds, or baby seals, surely not rotational-molded polyethylene (whatever the hell that is). But it is, and to make it sound even more classy, the plastic floor and walls are hollow so water or sand can be poured in to weigh down and ground the orange plastic box.

But maybe this is the number one gift on all dogs' lists- I'm sure Tinkerbell has asked Paris for one.