UTI Claims Life

Urinary tract infection has taken away the hands and feet of Brazilian model Mariana Bridi, and now has taken away her life. The model suffered a bout with a UTI, which was extremely resistant to antibiotics. The infection spread beyond her piss tract throughout the entirety of her body. Doctors attempted to save her life by removing her hands and feet. Despite attempts to save the 20 year old model, she lost her battle with the infection.

Over- Exercising: It's Whats In.

You won't be seeing anymore 80 pound models working the runway in 2009. That died out Winter '08. Now you'll be seeing body builder-like women. Supposedly, the men drool over women who are more muscular than themselves. Who knew?

If you wish to have zero fat on your body, and huge muscles you must work your body so hard you will end up almost dying towards the end of the day. Your workout must take up at least 79% of your day, and you must eat only fish and eggs. Simple to say, yet hard to achieve. HNN is lucky to have the nation's top trainers whipping them into shape. If you are destined to become a body builder, your results will come in no time.

Only the fittest survive in our world today.. Will you be one of them?

Good luck.

Hello Kitty Comforts Mothers While They Push Babies Out Of Their Vaginas

If anyone ever thought Taiwan was crazy, there is now solid proof that they are, indeed, insane.

Hello Kitty themed hospitals have been a giant success among these Asians. And it is only common sense because, as we all know, the East loves, loves, loves their Hello Kitty.

The Hospitals have Hello Kitty all over the fucking place. Beds are decorated with HK pillows and blankets. The rooms are filled with HK curtains, rugs, and even the nurses are clad in HK themed clothing. In addition to all the pink colors and kitten heads all over the place, an actual bigger-than-life-sized Hello Kitty walks around to greet the soon-to-be-moms.

It's just all really crazy and strange. But us here at HNN already are planning to give birth to our children in a Hello Kitty themed-hospital... as long as it's in the US.

Octopus Child

Half girl. Half octopus. We live in a world of fear; fear of this thing HNN likes to call: The Octochild.

If we do not kill Lakshmi or "Octochild,"she will bring havoc, and cause mass destruction throughout our entire universe. It is rumored that she will kill any human who doesn't have a mutated figure, such as her own self. Detectives have spotted the child crawling around Bihar, which is the region from where she was birthed from. "We must be careful, Lakshmi is very wise, she has strangled at least seven recorded FBI agents."-Detective Paul Ruben

Having a camouflaged body makes it twenty times harder to spot this Octochild. Residents of Bihar have told HNN that around two months ago, Octochild murdered 23 men who tried to kill her with bazooka launchers. Their deaths were caused by the poisoning of ink expelled from her vagina.

-As of now, all we as a society can do is wait for this being to die off. However, we know it's not anytime soon, being that she is only 2 years old. HNN will keep everyone in our prayers daily.

You're Getting Warmer, Detective

Trent Higginbotham was on the lam. With several warrants out for his arrest, Louisiana police officers wanted Higginbotham in the worst way. A detective recognized our guy, and attempted to pull him over. However, Higginbotham prevailed. He threw some punches and fled the scene, to find the perfect hiding spot.

Higginbotham sought refuge in an attic, which happened to be in a home belonging to another detective, serving on the same task force.

Higginbotham refused to exit the attic, and as a result, the police had to send up their pup to bring down the criminal. Higginbotham is currently in the hospital having his bite wounds mended, and will be shipped off straight to the big house upon his dismissal.

HNN thinks Higginbotham is a perfect cat name.

Madonna Loves Being Nude

Oh Madonna, you just love flashing your bare limbs to the cameras, don't you?--Back when Madonna was a dancer in her 20's, she needed to make ends meet. So how do we solve this problem? Simple, we pose nude for Playboy. She got paid only $25 dollars for doing so. Today the picture is expected to at least sell for $10,000.

Being that the HNN staff are of high power, we have the actual photo of her... NAKED!--It's Black & White, it's hairy, it's simply Madonna

May Day, May Day

A jetliner en-route to Charlotte, North Carolina went for a swim in the chilly Hudson River, in New York earlier today, sources tell HNN. In the last moments before communication was lost with the pilot, he had stated that there had been a "double bird strike", of course meaning that two birds leisurely flew into the engines of the plane.

The jetliner crashed into the Hudson River, and all aboard are reported to be safe. Of course, this raises several questions. Can the records, which lack the names of all stow-aways, be sure that those hidden in the underbelly of the jetliner are safe? HNN is awaiting comments on this question. Additionally, how does the airbus company intend to rectify any lost material possessions?

If HNN could attain a response to both questions from the airbus company, we may be able to kill two birds with one plane.