Raccoon Feces + Human Ingestion = Uh-Oh!

If you're jonesing for a steaming, hot pile of feces to eat or play in, you may want to stay away from raccoon feces... unless you want to end up like these two from Brooklyn, New York.

An infant must have found the raccoon feces and ate some of it, causing sudden seizures and spinal problems and ultimately resulting in brain damage. A teenager came into contact with the raccoon feces and touched his eye, leaving him blind in that feces-covered eye.

This feces, however, is not your average, run of the colon feces. This feces is infected. Worms lay eggs in the feces and the eggs hatch after being ingested. Raccoon Roundworm is its name. Spinal tapping babies is its game. No, that's not funny.

Apparently touching animal shit, and eating it, is more common than we thought it would be.

At Least Smoking Was "Cool"

"I proposed a tax on sugared beverages like soda. Research has demonstrated that soft-drink consumption is one of the main drivers of childhood obesity" states New York Gov. David Paterson who is pushing for a tax on highly caloric, non-nutritional beverages for the state of New York. He goes on to say that "What smoking was to my parents' generation, obesity is to my children's generation. Nearly one out of every four New Yorkers under the age of 18 is obese".

To that, us here at HNN says at least smoking was considered "cool" and "edgy"... "sexy" even. Really any word that implies awesomeness, in any sort of arena. Classic the way sultry ladies and men lit up in old-time movies. Bad-ass in the way that villains and criminals blow smoke in cops faces. Familiar in the way that confused teens choke on smoke while talking about how bad they did on their algebra test last Wednesday. Obesity has never been "cool" and surely never will be. And the only obese people ever captured on film provoked sadness and disgust in my heart.

Even the ads for cigarettes were alluring and fun. No matter how many suave, good-looking people McDonald's pays to eat some McNuggets, eating greasy, fattening food will never be sexy. It's just sad that the youth of our time is known for obesity, which is the least cool of all the seven deadly sins.

Now that I am depressed, I think I will drive to McDonalds and buy two double cheeseburgers, three apple pies, and a root beer... right after my fling with Ben&Jerry's is over.

Facebook Group: 1 Strong Against Fran Drescher

Fran Drescher dreams of being the next junior Senator for New Yawk, following in the footsteps of one Hillary Clinton (perhaps some of you have heard of her?).

My only question... How do we get rid of this woman before she runs for president? I couldn't handle watching her on TV. And the thought of her even having the slightest power over anything political makes my mouth foam. Something has got to be done. Maybe a FaceBook group could somehow silence her. After all, Facebook has majestic powers that, when many people join together in a group, can unleash all kinds of crazy, never-before-seen shit that triumphs over evil. That sort of evil. The sort of evil that has awful hair, pale vampire-like skin, piercing eyes, and a most angular smile ever seen on a human. The sort of evil that is Fran Drescher.