A Proverb: the 10 Year Old English Girl & the Tanning Bed

The idea of girls going to tanning salons is not a new one- nor is it a crazy one. But when that girl is 10, the dynamics change, because, you see, that is getting crazy. Especially when that 10 year old girl is pale, and from South Wales, England.

As we all know, English folk are pale, and they just do not soak in the rays that well. Another thing people understand, or should understand, is that children, namely human beings who can not legally drive, should not tan their baby skin, since it may be sensitive and burn easily. But apparently, Sharon Hannaford, pictured above (the guilty-looking, pam-an(derson) eye-browed one) was unaware of these information basics. Sharon let her 10 year old butterball bake in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. After the 16 minute baking time, butterball was rushed to the hospital due to the 70% of her body that became badly burned. Doctors theorize that if baby creamy-face were to have stayed in that bed for 2 more minutes, she would have needed skin grafts. But luckily, the result of the 16 minutes is that she will have to spend the next 10 years of her life indoors and away from any sunlight.

Let us think about this. A ten year old gets badly burned for being in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. Not only am I not shocked, but I this whole story really pisses me off. If a 10 year old wants to be tan, i'm sure she also wants a belly button ring and a tattoo of a butterfly with Chinese writing above her ass crack. And that is such a horrifying vision, i wish she did burst into flames. I am surprised this happened in England, and not in our America land. Thank God.

Mother Greedy About Children

See this woman. She appears to be a friendly-looking citizen. But under her common front lies a dirty, selfish, sick obsession: She wants to give birth to as many children as she can. It is a rare mental illness called 'Giantium Vaginium' which makes her think that having 14 children is a good thing. It is not.

Nadya Suleman recented birthed octuplets, which the act alone astounded doctors world-wide. She claims to want her children to have siblings since her own childhood was lonely, isolating, and depressing. But if she thought about the girls growing up and needing to use the restroom only to find that the line starts at the kitchen, she would have found a happy medium.

Her children will probably grow up to hate and resent her for her 'noble' duties. Sharing everything from tampons to condoms, these children will most likely become newsworthy when they slay Nadya for having so many of them and not enough money or space to do so.

We will leave you with a few kind words: Nadya, double up your meds and become a prostitute. This will numb you to the dreadful feelings you will experience while allowing you to get your children thier own diapers.

True Love: German Child Style

Germany is crazy and everyone knows it. So when two lovebirds run off to Africa to get married no one bats a feathery eyelash. But when these two love birds are still young enough to wet the bed and eat nose-pickings, the world gasps with erotic excitement and slight horror. The two lovers thought it was completely necessary to elope to Africa- and take a friend/witness. Pigs spotted them at a train station and immediately notified Hitler or whoever is in the know in Germany.

HNN loves love- especially child-love, between children., not adults and children, that's so sick. But when an 8 year old loves a 5 year old, something special will happen. Think Corey and Topanga.