A Proverb: the 10 Year Old English Girl & the Tanning Bed

The idea of girls going to tanning salons is not a new one- nor is it a crazy one. But when that girl is 10, the dynamics change, because, you see, that is getting crazy. Especially when that 10 year old girl is pale, and from South Wales, England.

As we all know, English folk are pale, and they just do not soak in the rays that well. Another thing people understand, or should understand, is that children, namely human beings who can not legally drive, should not tan their baby skin, since it may be sensitive and burn easily. But apparently, Sharon Hannaford, pictured above (the guilty-looking, pam-an(derson) eye-browed one) was unaware of these information basics. Sharon let her 10 year old butterball bake in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. After the 16 minute baking time, butterball was rushed to the hospital due to the 70% of her body that became badly burned. Doctors theorize that if baby creamy-face were to have stayed in that bed for 2 more minutes, she would have needed skin grafts. But luckily, the result of the 16 minutes is that she will have to spend the next 10 years of her life indoors and away from any sunlight.

Let us think about this. A ten year old gets badly burned for being in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. Not only am I not shocked, but I this whole story really pisses me off. If a 10 year old wants to be tan, i'm sure she also wants a belly button ring and a tattoo of a butterfly with Chinese writing above her ass crack. And that is such a horrifying vision, i wish she did burst into flames. I am surprised this happened in England, and not in our America land. Thank God.

2009 H1N1

The latest media sensation, swine flu, has hit the land of the free. 141 Americans have caught the swine flu.

A paranoid Egypt is to off 350,000 pigs.

HNN loves pigs, even sick ones, and we will never wear surgical masks.

It's a Pretty Slow Night, So...

It is Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's one year wedding anniversary.

I know - you don't care - but just look at them and think of how stupid each one of them is... its almost rewarding to imagine how awful they are.

In other Mariah snNews, she was photographed looking fat. To that I say, when has she ever not been fat??

Ohio Man's Dreams Come True

This Saturday the largest model rocket ever built will be blasted off into the great wide open. This model rocket is a 'one-tenth scale, 36-foot-tall, fully working replica of the Saturn V', which means nothing to me. The model rocket was a dream of an Ohio man, 50 year old Steve Eves, who has been working on it for 15 years.

Little boys dream big. And little men construct giant model rockets. I wonder what he is compensating for.

Disney's Image of 'Pirates' Couldn't Be More Wrong

Study the photo to the left. Does this look anything like Johnny Depp? No. Does this man look sexually appealing? No. Does he appear to be drunk in a cool, nonchalant sort of way that demands admiration and respect? No. But this is a real live pirate.

Abduhl Wali-i-Musi is his name. And prior to fucking with American men, pirating was his game. He is currently being charged with piracy and is the first person to do so in over a century. He is said to be 18 by US officails, but his mother begs to differ, saying he is only 16 and got into piracy by "gangsters with money".

Either way, it will only be a few years before lifetime or some indie film-makers decide to tell his story. Until then, we can tell our children that the images of pirates they have come to know and love, like that of Captain Jack Sparrow, are mere illusions. And when a child wants to dress up as a pirate on Halloween, it is Abduhl Wali-i-Musi they must try to emulate.

Study Shows Being Overweight is More Than Unnattractive, It's Also Bad for Mother Earth

A recent study has linked fat people to the increase in global warming. The evidence is horrifying. Over weight people require more food to maintain their obesity, and therefore require increased transportation of foods, as opposed to the thin, beautiful people. Think about the environment every time you go for thirds, fatties.

Another horrifying aspect of the impact of fat people on the environment is considering their own transportation. The study pointed out that lard asses are lazier than other people, and therefore use vehicular transportation more than thin, athletic people. Making things worse, the poor, strained vehicles that belong to these plump people have to tote around more weight than vehicles with skinny owners. This extra "junk in the trunk" forces the car to use more fuel, and also give off more emissions to our environment.

If you're fat, next time you drive yourself to McDonald's to pick up 6 Big Macs, think about how much you are contributing to global warming.

The following excerpt is the most horrifying thing HNN has read, ever:

"Using statistical models, the authors compared the distribution of BMI in the United Kingdom in the 1970s -- when 3.5 percent of the population was obese -- with a prediction for the country's BMI distribution in 2010, reflecting 40 percent obesity." -CNN.

Almost half of the population is obese. This is not the world I want to live in.

Cat Lady is Hot in Great Britain!

This gorgeous little number is Susan Boyle, 47, from across the pond. Prior to appearing on "Britains Got Talent", Boyle stated that she's unemployed, never been kissed, and lives alone with her cat, Pebbles. HNN asks, if you have all this going on for you, why do you only have one cat, and not 10?

Needless to say, all were prepared for feel embarrassed for Susie, but she performed "I Dreamed a Dream", and left the audience an emotional train wreck. Some were even crying.

You can view Susan's performance here!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-KiGva9dV4