True Love: German Child Style

Germany is crazy and everyone knows it. So when two lovebirds run off to Africa to get married no one bats a feathery eyelash. But when these two love birds are still young enough to wet the bed and eat nose-pickings, the world gasps with erotic excitement and slight horror. The two lovers thought it was completely necessary to elope to Africa- and take a friend/witness. Pigs spotted them at a train station and immediately notified Hitler or whoever is in the know in Germany.

HNN loves love- especially child-love, between children., not adults and children, that's so sick. But when an 8 year old loves a 5 year old, something special will happen. Think Corey and Topanga.

Life Is A Puzzle- Or Rather A Maze

Britain: Home of meat pies and crooked teeth and in-home trash mazes. Gordon Stewart, 74, had become quite the pack rat after stowing away any articles of material he came into contact with. Towers of shit turned into racks and aisles of junk to the point wherer his house became a maze. Stewart, who was old and probably insane, is thought to have become disoriented while crawling about his maze. While he was burrowing his way through the trash, Old Man got weak in the knees and collapsed. And after extended time in the hug of trash heeps he died of dehydration.

One would think that in a trash heap there would be at least one bottle of tussin to keep him alive and feeling well.

Obama to Xzibit: Please Pimp My Ride

"According to Presidential vehicle experts, the new limo is a beast-like General Motors truck-based Cadillac that is so tough it's like a 'rolling tank with windows.'

Among the vehicle's main features are windows that are 5 inches thick, 19.5-inch Goodyear RHS tires (same as super tough trucks), and possibly even a lock safety mechanism that seals off the car like a bank vault in case of an emergency. " -Wired.com

That may be, but just look at that thing. I am hoping that they unghettoize the man's ride before inauguration. It looks like it once was a really nice car that happened to get hit by a semi truck that was hauling fire, swords and chimmy chongas. After the collision the car fell into a ditch recently filled with sticky tar. That would explain the shiny black parts and the duller black parts.

Hopefully after looking at the vehicle, Obama realizes that he really does need change.

Shake That Healthy Butt

Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, researchers from Harvard Medical School found.

Yes, researchers have tested little mice to find that the diabetes type 2 seemed to not affect the mice that had injections of fat around their lower mid-region and ass.

That's great. If only the term "fat ass" had a positive connotation. Many things can kill me, and the lack of ass fat is one of them that i am gleefully willing to take.

Papua Murders Young Witch

Papua New Ginea, which is a country NOT a new screamo queero punk band, is getting some street cred for the burning of witchcraft followers. Street cred from who? HNN is not sure yet, but what we are sure of is that there is destined to be witch-burning fans especially in Papua New Ginea.

Bystanders of the burning recall the event in fancy detail:
"The girl was stripped naked and could not shout for assistance or resist as she was tightly strapped and her mouth gagged," Jessie James
"I don't know the right words to describe it but it's barbaric. Can you find the best words to describe such acts that are rampant here?" said Highlands police chief Simon Kauba.

The girl, who has an estimated age of 16-20, was stripped, bound and gagged prior to being tied to a truck loaded with firewood. The truck was then driven to the village dump and was doused with gasolina. Intense and insane. But some girls like it that way.

Quit Staring At Me

For the girl (or boy) or wants constant attention, HNN presents to you: Feathered eyelashes. Yes, set aside your mascara for feathery, flowing, fearless eyes. Its all the rage in Japan, and apparently its becoming quite the fad here in the states. Because really, who wouldn't want to look like they just raped a baby bird of its delicate wings only to glue them to your eyelids.

These lashes will make you stand out in the crowd no matter where you are. Be it a party, a dinner, a communion, all eyes will be on you. Although it is not guarenteed that you will even notice, since you will be battling to see through your furry mess of eye-fashion.

Try Sephora if you want to get the feathered lashes look.

Hayden Saving Whales, Again?

Hayden Panettiere is on a mission to Save the Whales (Again)! This Heroes hottie was recently banned from Japan for trying to save dolphins from being slaughtered to death. Now with famous supporters such as Pierce Brosnan, and uh.. other people, Hayden is back; and she ain't going nowhere.

Last year, Hayden recieved the Wyler Prize at the Humane Society of the United States’ 2008 Genesis Awards. What an ungrateful bitch. Every writer here at HNN is very compassionate towards animals. Do we get any recognition? -I don't think so.

I guess you have to rich and famous to get credit for anything you do in our world. However, if you are interested in Saving those massive creatures, click here