Green Hot Trend Alert...

Instead of shelling out some cash money for that teenage asshole to cut the grass, try buying your very own goat.

Google has brought in a herd of goats to graze its headquarters yard as an eco-alternative way to reduce air and noise pollution. Noise pollution?

Following in Google's giant green footsteps are Yahoo... copy cats.

The only problem with these mowers is that sometimes they may chill out in a tree for a few hours. Not to mention shit all over the damn place.

I'd rather hear a mower for a few hours a week than perpetually smell goat shit.

Raccoon Feces + Human Ingestion = Uh-Oh!

If you're jonesing for a steaming, hot pile of feces to eat or play in, you may want to stay away from raccoon feces... unless you want to end up like these two from Brooklyn, New York.

An infant must have found the raccoon feces and ate some of it, causing sudden seizures and spinal problems and ultimately resulting in brain damage. A teenager came into contact with the raccoon feces and touched his eye, leaving him blind in that feces-covered eye.

This feces, however, is not your average, run of the colon feces. This feces is infected. Worms lay eggs in the feces and the eggs hatch after being ingested. Raccoon Roundworm is its name. Spinal tapping babies is its game. No, that's not funny.

Apparently touching animal shit, and eating it, is more common than we thought it would be.

Not That It Matters, But...

Kelis is filing for divorce from Nas. And she is seven months pregnant with his child. SCANDALOUS. maybe the next album they each put out will be all about divorce, single parenting, and child support. but I'm not sure who would enjoy listening to that... well, actually, if the beat was hot and the chorus was catchy, everybody would be singing "i was 7 months pregnant but i still rocked those furry ass boots' or some ghetto shit my little mind can not even consider.

Anyways, Kelis has filed for divorce, claiming irreconcilable differences. Hm, and i thought that a couple that had a second house just to have crazy sex in would stay together til they died together in some strange sex act. What can we believe in?

Like We Need Another Reason To Love Austrailia

Ramco Primary School in South Australia was planning a "disability day" and fundraiser with prizes for the "best students dressed as a person with a disability." 'Disabled Dress-Up Day' was created with good intentions, but the parents who received the letters about it thought differently. Some claimed that they believed the schools heart was in the right place, but the idea was 'bad taste.' The school said they just wanted to raise awareness about what it is really like to be disabled. But the message they sent out became a big misunderstanding.

One disabled parent said "People with disabilities want to be treated and should be treated no different to anybody else in the community." And that is true. So if schools can have 'Dress 70's Day" or "Punk Rock Day" or "White Trash Day", why can they not have a "Disabled Dress-up Day" fundraiser to raise awareness. Everyone can be labeled, this is the cold, slimy truth. So when you want to be treated like a normal group, like say, rednecks or gangstAs, you better be ready to see people dress up like you as a fun way to let loose.

Are You A Drug Smuggler Looking To Relocate?

Then come to Columbus, New Mexico!

This small, economically-meager town is a hot spot for Mexican drug smugglers who are trying to keep their mind on their money, money on their mind. The police are almost completely absent in this cozy little town, which is only rubber bands on the money wads to the Mexican criminals- or anyone else involved in illegal activity.

Townspeople don't seem to mind the drug smuggling, and insist that without the influx of illegal money, their town would not even survive. Some of the townspeople will even tell you that there is no problem, drug or money, at all. That everything is just fine.

But, cops in the surrounding areas have been snooping around and are quickly learning the Who's Who of the Mexican drug smugglers. Claiming to know the names and games of many, police are just waiting it out for the big bust.

So, if you are a Mexican drug smuggler in the smaller area of Columbus, New Mexico, I would load up all my possessions into my shiny, black, hydraulic SUV, pick up my amigos, and road trip til i found the next 'in the middle of nowhere' town. Good Luck Guys.

A Proverb: the 10 Year Old English Girl & the Tanning Bed

The idea of girls going to tanning salons is not a new one- nor is it a crazy one. But when that girl is 10, the dynamics change, because, you see, that is getting crazy. Especially when that 10 year old girl is pale, and from South Wales, England.

As we all know, English folk are pale, and they just do not soak in the rays that well. Another thing people understand, or should understand, is that children, namely human beings who can not legally drive, should not tan their baby skin, since it may be sensitive and burn easily. But apparently, Sharon Hannaford, pictured above (the guilty-looking, pam-an(derson) eye-browed one) was unaware of these information basics. Sharon let her 10 year old butterball bake in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. After the 16 minute baking time, butterball was rushed to the hospital due to the 70% of her body that became badly burned. Doctors theorize that if baby creamy-face were to have stayed in that bed for 2 more minutes, she would have needed skin grafts. But luckily, the result of the 16 minutes is that she will have to spend the next 10 years of her life indoors and away from any sunlight.

Let us think about this. A ten year old gets badly burned for being in a tanning bed for 16 minutes. Not only am I not shocked, but I this whole story really pisses me off. If a 10 year old wants to be tan, i'm sure she also wants a belly button ring and a tattoo of a butterfly with Chinese writing above her ass crack. And that is such a horrifying vision, i wish she did burst into flames. I am surprised this happened in England, and not in our America land. Thank God.

2009 H1N1

The latest media sensation, swine flu, has hit the land of the free. 141 Americans have caught the swine flu.

A paranoid Egypt is to off 350,000 pigs.

HNN loves pigs, even sick ones, and we will never wear surgical masks.